Monday, August 23, 2010

How do yout tell people who really matter to you and who want your help, advice, and attention no?

I am a sophomore in college in the honors program. I am on an academic scholarship that requires me to maintain a 3.0 overall average. I am editor of a newsletter put out by the office in which I work and I am on the public relations committee for one of the organizations on campus. I edit papers for my friends and I am always the one everyone goes to with a problem, which usually means dropping everything I'm doing for at least an hour and usually a whole lot longer. I have three papers, a portfolio project, a chapter exam and two final exams, one of which requires that I outline ten essay questions beforehand, due within the next ten days. How do I tell work, the PR committee, and my friends that I need to focus on myself and my work right now, without sounding like a complete psycho?How do yout tell people who really matter to you and who want your help, advice, and attention no?
The first person you need to talk to first is yourself. You may have the gift of multi-tasking which allows you to not think about having someone in your life. To take on so many tasks that require direct attention is a recipe for distraction. You are a person of action. Those that approach know that. People are lazy and will use who ever they observe doing things they should be doing. You have a few more years to go so do not over complicate your experience with getting caught up in others mis- guided views. Eye contact is a strong tamer with persons you need not be coy but direct as in. example...Jessy I am really bogged down here and barely have my head above water. If this is not a pressing life and death thing I will take a look at this matter later on tonight or tomorrow....if you could give me a hand I could %26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; redirect responsibilities...some people seek out action persons....so keep in mind....nothing is impossible as long as you know when to pull back the reins.....Buck up you bring ciaos and you know it. Try to focus on your true goal and continue to help others when you can. A true friend simply says...I am just over whelmed at this moment....and then give them a different time. remember to give yourself time you are in charge of your own schedule......not others...how did you have time for even asking this question.....???How do yout tell people who really matter to you and who want your help, advice, and attention no?
Very simple ie...





I enjoy being there for you guys, and I love you lots, but right now I need sometime to make sure i'm okay. After all that's what i'm in school for in the first place.





They should understand, and if not maby you should change the circle that you hang around.
I don't think you would sound like a ';complete psycho'; unless you went into a screaming fit about it.


Everyone needs time for themselves at one point or another. Just calmly explain that you are presently in a position where other things need to take priority. It's not that you don't WANT to help them, but you would appreciate it if just this once they would find another way to accomplish their goals. You cannot allow yourself to become over-burdened because then EVERYONE'S project (including yours) will suffer.


If these people care anything about YOU, they will understand. If they DON'T understand chances are they were just using you, and who wants that kind of people in their lives anyway?


As far as telling your boss goes.......Good Luck with that!
Carefully.
setting boundaries shouldn't make you sound psycho....just lay it out like you did in your question.....and i would suggest if you're editing papers for friends that you start charging for your services!!
tell them that you'd love to help them but right now school comes first and you need to maintain a certain grade to keep your scholarship. if they don't understand they aren't your friends... and if it isn't your responsibility at work or on the committee (you don't get paid for that particular job) then tell them I'm sorry i have a lot of school work to do... if it can wait i can help in two weeks when I'm done completing my necessary assignments...

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